the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
