brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
