My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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