Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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