Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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