I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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