Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
