Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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