Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
