does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My penis needs a shock collar
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
