Quick, to the slutcave!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
