NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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