Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
