I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
