He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
