If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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