we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
