I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
