I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
