Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
