Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
