I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
