dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
