if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
