Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
