Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
