Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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