I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
