You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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