she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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