Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
