I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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