How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
