Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
