so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
