I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
