every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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