just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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