mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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