My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He? As in you personified your dick?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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