I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
