yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
