I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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