she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
