I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
