Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
