I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
