Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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