Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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