i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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