She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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