But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
